If You're Gone
by The Wheatmeister
Summary: In a series of songfics, Harm and Mac re-evaluate their relationship.
1. If You're Gone

Title: If You're Gone  
Author: Stephanie Wheatley, thewheatmeister@hotmail.com  
Summary: Harm's reaction to the official engagement. Songfic.  
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em...  
****************************************************************************  
I think I've already lost you   
I think you're already gone.   
I think I'm finally scared now   
You think I'm weak - But I think you're wrong   
I think you're already leaving   
Feels like your hand is on the door   
I thought this place was an empire   
But now I'm relaxed - I can't be sure   
****************************************************************************  
2200 EST   
Harm's apartment   
  
Harm stared out the window, watching the rain fall outside. He felt like his world was crumbling around him. His best friend, the woman he loved was marrying another man. And not just another man, Mic Brumby. Maybe he had deluded himself into thinking that damn ring would stay on her right hand, then be returned to Brumby. He never even considered the possibility that she would actually move it to her left hand. But she had, and there was nothing he could do about it. Or was there? He knew it would be a risk, telling her how he felt now. But it was either that, or standing by while the woman of his dreams found happiness with another man. Pulling himself out of his reverie, he turned off the lights, grabbed his jacket, and headed out the door.   
****************************************************************************   
I think you're so mean - I think we should try   
I think I could need - this in my life   
I think I'm just scared - I think too much   
I know this is wrong it's a problem I'm dealing   
  
If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home   
There's an awful lot of breathing room   
But I can hardly move   
If you're gone - baby you need to come home   
Cuz there's a little bit of something me   
In everything in you   
****************************************************************************   
2200 EST   
Mac's apartment   
  
Mac sat on her sofa, hugging a pillow to her chest as she watched the rain fall outside. She should be happy, but somehow, she couldn't bring herself to be. Not since she told Harm about her engagement. The look in his eyes, like he'd just lost his best friend, was almost too much for her to bear. She had rationalized it all to herself, that if he had feelings for her, he would have said something earlier, like on the ferry in Australia. She knew that's what Mic thought, that Harm had blown his chance. But she couldn't shake that look in his eyes. Mic wasn't so happy with her right now. She'd cancelled their dinner plans saying she wanted to be alone. He knew it was because of her conversation with Harm earlier, when she had told him about the engagement. That didn't keep him from being upset, even now that they were engaged, he had told her, she still couldn't stay away from him. That had enraged her, because, as she told her fiancé, Harm was still her best friend. In the end, he had agreed to give her the night to herself. As she reflected back to her phone call with Mic, she wondered yet again whether she was doing the right thing. But she had made her decision. And she knew she had to live with it.   
****************************************************************************  
I bet you're hard to get over   
I bet the room just won't shine   
I bet my hands I can stay here   
I bet you need - more than you mind   
****************************************************************************  
2230 EST   
Mac's apartment   
  
The silence in Mac's apartment was broken by a knock on her door. She opened the door to find Harm standing there, water dripping from his hair and clothes. "Harm, come in. Let me get you some towels to dry off with."   
  
"You don't have to, Mac. This won't take long." He closed the door behind himself, and waited until he was sure he had her undivided attention. "I've been thinking all day about your engagement. I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me, but until a few minutes ago, I couldn't figure out why."   
  
"So enlighten me, sailor," she said, looking expectantly at him.   
  
"You can't marry Brumby, Mac. You can't. I love you, and I don't want to lose you. I know it's probably too late, but I couldn't just let you do this without letting you know how I feel. I'll understand if this makes you mad, though it's never been my intention to upset you, but I had to let you know. We've been through too much together. You've helped me through so much, and I've helped you through so much. No one will ever know you as well as I do, and no one will ever know me as well as you do. So, do what you have to do, but I just wanted you to know how I feel." And with that, Harm turned around and opened the door.   
  
He almost had the door closed behind him when he heard her call after him, "Why now, Harm? Why did you wait so long?"   
  
He turned and looked earnestly at her. "Because I'm desperate, Sarah," he replied quietly. "And desperate times call for desperate measures." And then the door closed and he was gone.   
****************************************************************************  
I think you're so mean - I think we should try   
I think I could need - this in my life   
I think I'm just scared - I think too much   
I know this is wrong it's a problem I'm dealing   
  
If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home   
There's an awful lot of breathing room   
But I can hardly move   
If you're gone - baby you need to come home   
Cuz there's a little bit of something me   
In everything in you   
****************************************************************************  
0145 EST   
Harm's Apartment   
  
"I'm coming," Harm called sleepily, as he headed toward his front door where someone was knocking incessantly. "Mac? What are you doing here?"   
  
"I'm desperate," she said, parroting his words from earlier. "And desperate times call for desperate measures. I need to know, Harm. Have you really let go? Will you always only get this way with me?"   
  
"Yes, I have, and if you'll let me, Sarah, I'll always only get this way with you."   
  
"I make no promises, Harm," she told him seriously. "This is an added complication, and I already had a lot on my mind. What I need right now is time. Time to sort out my feelings for you and for Mic. So I need both of you to give me some space. Can you do that for me? Please, Harm."   
  
"I can. Take all the time you need. Whatever you decide, I'll still be here. Just like I have been for the past five years."   
  
"Thank you," she said, giving him a big hug. "I guess I'll see you at work tomorrow."   
  
"Yeah," he said as she walked out the door. "Sleep well, jarhead."   
  
"You too, squid," she called as she walked down the hall.   
****************************************************************************  
If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home   
There's an awful lot of breathing room   
But I can hardly move   
If you're gone - baby you need to come home   
Cuz there's a little bit of something me   
In everything in you   
  



	2. It Was

Title: It Was  
Author: Stephanie Wheatley, thewheatmeister@hotmail.com  
Summary: Sequel to If You're Gone. Songfic.  
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em...  
****************************************************************************  
For the next five weeks, Harm and Mac's friendship seemed to be finally returning to normal, something they found amazing considering the events of that rainy, December evening. Harm never brought up Mic, or the conversation they had, or his true feelings for her, and Sarah was eternally grateful for that. It hadn't been easy for Mac to call Mic, who had returned to Australia to pack up the rest of his things, and tell him that it might be better if she shipped the things he had in the States back to him. He was understandably upset, but he couldn't fault her for listening to her heart. After a very long discussion, Mic Brumby wished Sarah Mackenzie well, and then he was gone. But there was still the issue of how she felt for her best friend and partner. But as things usually do, that seemed to take care of itself.   
****************************************************************************  
I guess we guess our way through life   
How many times do we really know for sure   
I was just hoping for the best   
Then I woke up in those lovin' arms of yours   
What I felt was unmistakeable   
When I fell for you   
****************************************************************************   
Mac's Apartment   
2345 EST   
  
They had been at work on this case for almost two weeks. The court date was set for three days from now, but there was so much evidence and so many precedents to consider that wading through it all was making Mac and Harm's heads spin. Finally, they decided they needed a break for one night, so Harm showed up at his partner's house that evening with a pizza in one hand and a chick flick in the other. After stuffing themselves with pizza, they talked for a while during the movie. Then somewhere along the way, Mac had fallen asleep. As her eyes fluttered open, she realized that she couldn't move. She was nestled in the crook of her partner's arm, and he had wrapped his arms around her, holding her securely against his chest. He was asleep as well, and rather than wake him, she looked up at his face. A smile had crossed his lips because of a dream he was having, and he looked so peaceful. That's when it hit her. The peacefulness in his face was reflected in hers, she was sure of it. It finally dawned on her that she couldn't NOT love Harm. He was too much a part of her, too important to her. That's what had been missing with Mic. She did care for him, but she could imagine her life without him. Harm, on the other hand, she couldn't imagine life without. Feeling even more at peace because of this self-revelation, she turned slightly in Harm's embrace, wrapped her arm around his stomach, and went back to sleep.   
****************************************************************************  
It was real...it was magic   
It was calm...it was savage   
It was cool as a breeze   
It was warm to the touch   
It was never enough   
It was always too much   
It did all the things love does   
That's how I knew   
It was   
****************************************************************************  
The Next Morning   
0715 EST   
  
Harm woke up as the sun hit his face. Blinking several times, he looked down at his sleeping partner. Smiling, he thought about how natural it felt to hold her in his arms. Kissing the top of her head, he said, "Wake up, ninja girl. We have to go to work."   
  
"Yeah," she mumbled sleepily.   
  
"Come on, Mac, let me up. I'm gonna run down to my car and get my spare uniform and stuff. Then I'm gonna make some breakfast after I take a shower."   
  
"Uh-huh," Mac said, still half asleep.   
  
"If you're up by the time I get back from my car, you could always take that shower with me," Harm said mischievously.   
  
"What!!" Mac exclaimed.   
  
"Good, you're awake," Harm replied with a self-satified smile. "Now let me up."   
  
"I can't believe you did that, Harm!" she laughed. "Well, never mind, I can. But still..."   
  
"Gotcha," Harm said, as he headed toward her door.   
  
They spent the next hour silently getting ready for work. While Mac was in the shower, Harm had made a bagel run down to the bakery a block from Mac's place. Around 0830, with just enough time to get to work without being late, they left Mac's apartment, in separate cars, and headed to work.   
****************************************************************************  
Who thought that I could laugh so loud   
Then turn around and cry so many tears   
I used to have so many doubts   
But one by one you made them disappear   
What I found was unbelievable   
But I believe it's true   
****************************************************************************  
0945   
Mac's Office   
  
Mac sat at her desk, playing with her pen and thinking about Harm. They had had so many good times together, and helped each other through just as many bad times. He had never judged her or her past, instead supporting her and helping restore her belief in herself. With Harm, Mac felt that she could truly drop all pretenses and just be Sarah, not Lt.Col. Sarah Mackenzie the Marine, but Sarah, the woman, who had doubts and fears and questions she didn't know the answers to. Looking back on the past five years, she began to wonder why exactly she hadn't seen it earlier. Could it be that she and Harm were really meant to be together, and she had been blind to it? Whatever it was, Sarah decided that it was finally time to tell Harm how she felt about him.   
****************************************************************************  
1645   
Harm's Office   
  
"Enter!" Harm called when he heard the knock. "Hey, Mac," he said with a smile, looking up to see who his visitor was. "What's up?"   
  
"We need to talk, Harm."   
  
"Okay. Sounds serious."   
  
"Yeah, it kind of is. It's nothing bad though," she said hastily. "Anyways, could we maybe have dinner or something tonight?"   
  
"Sure. How about 1930, my place?"   
  
"Yeah, okay."   
  
"Great. See you then." And with that, Mac walked out the door, leaving Harm to wonder what exactly she wanted to talk about. He knew what he hoped it was. For weeks he had been wondering where they stood. He knew she had broken the engagement with Brumby, but she had said nothing to him about what her feelings were for him. He knew better than to press her about it, but he couldn't help but wonder what if...   
****************************************************************************  
It was real...it was magic   
It was calm...it was savage   
It was cool as a breeze   
It was warm to the touch   
It was never enough   
It was always too much   
It did all the things love does   
That's how I knew   
It was   
****************************************************************************  
1925 EST   
Harm's Apartment   
  
"Come on in, Mac!" Harm called when he heard the knock on his door. "It's open!"   
  
"Hey," she said softly.   
  
Harm looked up at her and had to remind himself to close his mouth. "Mac, you look...you look beautiful tonight."   
  
"Thanks," she said, looking at him quizzically. "I never knew jeans and a sweater qualified as beautiful, but thanks."   
  
"You always look beautiful, Mac. And I don't think anyone tells you that often enough," he replied earnestly. Mac blushed and looked down, avoiding his gaze, but said nothing. Harm put the finishing touches on dinner, and after they were sufficiently full, he cleared the table and led Mac into the living area. "So," he began, "What was it that you wanted to talk about?"   
  
"Do you remember that conversation we had a few weeks ago? After Mic and I announced our engagement?"   
  
"How could I forget?" Harm asked rhetorically.   
  
"I've never felt for anyone else the way I feel about you, Harm. I can't imagine my life without you and I can't picture my future without you in it and I can't believe I didn't figure it out sooner. Last night, I woke up and you had your arms around me, and it felt so natural. I love you, too Harm. More than I've ever loved anyone else before. I love you, but I'm scared that this won't work. I don't wanna lose you, but I don't wanna live without you, either."   
  
"Wow," Harm said, amazed that she had just let all of that out like that. Noticing the expectant look on her face, he took her into his arms and said, "So this feels natural, huh?"   
  
"Yeah," she whispered.   
  
"What about this?" he asked a second before his lips descended on hers in a sweet, gentle kiss.   
  
"Yeah, that too."   
  
"I'm glad," he said. "And I'm scared too, but this is right, Sarah. This is more right than anything else in the world right now. And you'll never have to worry about your future without me, because it won't happen. I promise, I won't let it happen. I love you, Sarah. With every fiber of my being, I love you."   
  
"Ditto," she murmured, wrapping her arms around him and laying her head on his chest. "I love you, too."   
****************************************************************************  
You ask what I felt when you walked through the door   
Was it fear?   
Was it clear?   
It was all that and more   
  
It was real...it was magic   
It was calm...it was savage   
It was cool as a breeze   
It was warm to the touch   
It was never enough   
It was always too much   
It did all the things love does   
That's how I knew   
It was  



	3. If I Am

Title: If I Am  
Author: Stephanie Wheatley, thewheatmeister@hotmail.com  
Summary: Sequel to It Was. Songfic.  
Disclaimer: Harm and Mac and all the rest aren't mine...  
****************************************************************************  
So you're standing on a ledge   
It looks like you might fall   
So far down   
Or maybe you were thinking about jumping   
Now you could have it all   
If you learned a little patience   
For though I cannot fly   
I'm not content to crawl   
So give me a little credit   
Have in me a little faith   
I want to be with you forever   
If tomorrow's not too late   
But it's always too late when you've got nothing   
So you say   
But you should never let the sun set on tomorrow   
Before the sun rises today   
****************************************************************************  
2145 EST   
Harm's Apartment   
  
"Hey, Sarah," Harm said, after opening his door to see who his visitor was.   
  
"Um...Do you have a minute, Harm?"   
  
"For you? Always," he said, closing the door behind her.   
  
As Mac sat down on the couch, she said, "I don't think I can do this, Harm."   
  
"Do what?" he asked, sitting beside her.   
  
"Us! I can't do this!"   
  
"Sarah, I don't...Where is this coming from? I don't understand," Harm said as he wracked his brain trying to figure out what could have possibly happened in the month since Mac had admitted she loved him to bring all of this about.   
  
"I can't hurt you, Harm. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did."   
  
"Sarah, you're hurting me now. Please help me understand where you're coming from here."   
  
"Harm, don't you see? In every relationship I've ever been in, I've hurt the person I'm supposed to care the most about. Or they've hurt me. Or both."   
  
And there it was. Harm instantly knew this had nothing to do with him and everything to do with Sarah's past. Taking her in his arms, he said, "I'm not like them, Sarah. I won't hurt you, and I know you won't hurt me. If you think I'm like all of the other men in your life, you're wrong. I have no ulterior motives and no expectations. All I want is to know that you trust me. Can you do that, Sarah? Can you trust me with your heart?"   
****************************************************************************  
If I am   
Another waste of everything you dreamed of   
I will let you down   
If I am   
Only here to watch you as you suffer   
I will let you down   
****************************************************************************  
"I don't know, Harm," she sobbed. "What if something happened?"   
  
"Yeah, Marine," he said softly, "What if you found out that there actually are men out there who will go to the ends of the earth to make sure the women they love are happy."   
  
"You mean there is such thing?" Sarah laughed.   
  
"You're looking at one," he whispered sincerely, looking into her eyes. Pulling her closer, Harm whispered, "I'm gonna make it my mission to make sure that you are the happiest woman in the world."   
  
"Oh, you are? Well, you're already doing a pretty good job of it. I'm pretty happy right now. I'm sorry, Harm, I guess my emotions just got the better of me."   
  
"It's okay, ninja girl. I understand. I know what you've been through in the past. You don't need to explain yourself to me. Just promise me that you'll never doubt my love for you."   
  
"Okay," she whispered, pulling him down for a kiss.   
  
They sat there on Harm's couch for a long time, just enjoying the security they felt in each other's arms. After awhile, Sarah fell asleep. Harm didn't have the heart to wake her and send her home, so instead, he opted to wake her briefly to get her to his bedroom where she'd be more comfortable. She sleepily changed into the t-shirt and gym shorts he offered her. After he tucked her in, he quickly changed his clothes and set out to the living room where he planned to sleep on the couch. "Harm?" Mac mumbled.   
  
"Yeah," he said, crossing the room and sitting on the edge of his bed.   
  
"Stay. Please."   
  
Always a sucker for his darling Sarah, Harm obliged. Turning back the covers, he crawled into bed next to her. As she snuggled into his embrace, he whispered, "I'm gonna spend every day of the rest of my life making sure that you know how much I love you, Sarah." Silently, he ran his fingers through her silky hair for awhile, until he too fell asleep.   
****************************************************************************  
So you're walking on the edge   
And you wait your turn to fall   
But you're so far gone   
That you don't see the hands upheld to catch you   
And you could find the fault   
In the heart that you've been handed   
For though you cannot fly   
You're not content to crawl   
But it's always too late when you've got nothing   
So you say   
But you should never let the sun set on tomorrow   
Before the sun rises today   
****************************************************************************  
0945 EST   
Harm's Apartment   
  
Harm woke up the next morning and looked at his alarm clock. Upon seeing the time, he was immediately glad it was Saturday as that meant he and his beautiful partner weren't hopelessly late for work. Looking down at the woman sleeping on his chest, he smiled. He still wasn't exactly sure what had caused her outburst the night before, but he knew that she would tell him in time. All he could do was be there for her and let her know she was loved. Tilting his head, he kissed her forehead gently. She stirred slightly. "Wake up, Sleeping Beauty," he whispered.   
  
"No," she retorted in her sleep.   
  
Readjusting himself so he had better access to her lips, he kissed her, his tongue playing along the seam of her lips. This brought her to full wakefulness and she opened her mouth to his tongue, allowing him access to the recesses of her mouth. Rolling over on top of her, Harm continued his assault on her senses until a mutual need for air parted them. "Are you awake now?," he asked, as his breath tickled her neck.   
  
"I don't know," she said, looking up at him through half-opened eyes. "Is my wake up call over?"   
  
"No," he said, lowering his head to hers once again in a passionate kiss. When they separated again, he rolled off of her and took her in his arms. "Good morning, I love you."   
  
"Love you too," she murmured contentedly as she laid her head back on his bare chest. Kissing the bare flesh under her face, she said, "Thank you, Harm."   
  
"For what?"   
  
"Being patient with me last night. I was being a baby-"   
  
"No, you weren't," he interrupted. "You were scared, and I understand that. I'm scared, too, Sarah. But I also believe with every fiber of my being that you and I are meant to be together. We're survived five years together so far. I think that's a good sign."   
  
"I guess you're right."   
  
"So, do you wanna get up and do something today, or stay here?" Harm asked.   
  
"Let's stay here. I haven't been lazy in a long time. And who better to be lazy with than the man I love," she said.   
  
"I like the way you think, Sarah."   
****************************************************************************  
If I am   
Another waste of everything you dreamed of   
I will let you down   
If I am   
Only here to watch you as you suffer   
I will let you down   
So you're standing on a ledge   
It looks like you might fall   
If I am   
Another waste of everything you dreamed of   
I will let you down   
If I am   
Only here to watch you as you suffer   
I will let you down   
****************************************************************************  
1630 EST   
Harm's Apartment   
  
Harm looked up from the vegetables he had been cutting for dinner when he saw Mac walk into the living area from the bedroom. She had just gotten out of the shower and was dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a Navy t-shirt of Harm's. "You know, Navy blue is your color, Sarah," he teased.   
  
"Cool it, squid," she said.   
  
"You are so beautiful, Sarah," he said seriously. She blushed and looked down as she usually did when he paid her such a compliment. Quickly washing and drying his hands, he walked over to where she was standing. Wrapping his arms around her from behind, he inquired, "Hasn't anyone ever told you that, Sarah? That you're beautiful."   
  
"Yes, but none of them sounded as sincere as you do when you say it. You make me feel beautiful."   
  
"And I intend to keep doing just that," he replied. Kissing the top of her head, he asked, "Did you ever think you'd see the day when we'd be together like this?"   
  
"No," she admitted. "But that didn't stop me from dreaming about it."   
  
"Me, neither," he said, taking her by the shoulders and turning her around to face him. "I love you, Sarah. More than life itself, and I intend to keep my promise from last night and make you the happiest woman alive."   
  
"I'm going to hold you to that, sailor," Mac replied, wrapping her arms tightly around him. "And I love you, too."   
****************************************************************************  
The answers we find   
Are never what we had in mind   
So we make it up as we go along   
I won't mention tomorrow   
And we won't make those promises that we can't keep   
I will never leave you   
I will never let you down   
I will never leave you   
I will never let you down  



	4. More Faithful

Title: More Faithful  
Author: Stephanie Wheatley, thewheatmeister@hotmail.com  
Summary: Sequel to If I Am, in the never-ending songfic saga, Harm and Mac's relationship continues to grow.  
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em...  
****************************************************************************  
The next few months were very happy ones for Harm and Sarah. Together, they dealt with the fears and confusion that comes with a new relationship and fell deeper in love with each other. To this point, they had tried to keep their relationship a secret, as they were not fully prepared to deal with office gossip and the career implications being romantically involved entailed. They were, however, fast approaching the point where they could no longer keep it a secret. More and more, they began seriously discussing 'forever,' complete with a courtship, marriage, and 2.5 kids. Deep down, they understood that when(as it was no longer an 'if') that did happen, they would have to deal with the Admiral and all of their friends. Not to mention a promise made long ago.   
****************************************************************************  
All the things my feet thought to be firm   
Are falling with urgency   
Tearing back my false sense of security   
Some say things change, nothing stays the same   
But the sweetness in my ears   
Safe in your arms speak the words I love to hear   
****************************************************************************  
2100 EST   
Harm's Apartment   
  
After splitting a pizza, Harm and Mac had retired to the living room, where they began talking about the months that had just passed. They discussed their relationship, their future, and the fact that they would eventually have to tell the admiral. Then, almost as an afterthought, a promise they had both remembered, though once doubted they'd follow through with came up. From her place on the sofa, Mac said absently, "Little AJ's birthday is coming up soon."   
  
"Three down, two to go," Harm murmured.   
  
"What did you say?" Mac questioned.   
  
"I said three down, two to go," he said. "Remember our deal?"   
  
"How could I forget?" Mac replied ruefully. "Has is really been almost three years?"   
  
"Yep. Do you...have any regrets about our deal? With all that's happened and everything, because we can call it off..." Mac said nothing, instead looked down at her hands. "Hey, Marine," Harm began. "What's up?" He lifted her chin to make eye contact, only to find her eyes shining with unshed tears. "Sarah?" he questioned, concerned. "What's wrong?"   
  
"We have to call the deal off, Harm. We don't have a choice."   
  
"Why, sweetheart?"   
  
Mac took a deep breath and allowed Harm to enclose her in his embrace. "I, uh, I went to my OB/GYN a few weeks ago. I haven't had a period in over 2 years, and I wanted to know why. So she ran some tests and everything, and...I can't have kids, Harm. I'm sterile."   
  
Harm kissed the top of her head and asked gently, "Does she have any idea why?"   
  
"The best we can figure is that it was my alcoholism. I started drinking at such a young age that the alcohol kept my reproductive organs from developing normally. Over time, they've deteriorated, and now my uterus is nothing but scar tissue. She's got me scheduled for exploratory surgery in ten days. She wants to see for herself if there's any hope of my ever having children. But in all likelihood, it won't happen and she'll perform a hysterectomy."   
  
"Sarah, we're supposed to be in this thing together. Why didn't you tell me about this?"   
  
"Because I'm ashamed, Harm! Being a mother is the most empowering thing a woman can do, and I can't! And I didn't know how to tell you." Looking up at Harm, she added quietly, "It's probably for the best."   
  
"Hey," Harm said, holding her gaze. "What makes you say that?"   
  
"Harm, look at the reason I'm sterile!" Mac exclaimed. "I'm a drunk. I had no role models of what parents should be. Face it, Harm. You're in love with damaged goods."   
  
"Oh, Sarah," he said, holding her tight against his chest. "You're not damaged goods. And you can still be a mother."   
  
"How?"   
  
"Sarah, we can still go through with our deal. Maybe not in the biological sense, but we can still have kids. If there's one thing that Dar-Lin taught me, it's that there are plenty of kids in this country who need someone, anyone, to love them and support them. We could adopt a little girl or a little boy who doesn't have anyone that truly cares about them."   
  
"Maybe you're right," she conceded. "But most placement agencies like to put kids in two parent homes, you know."   
  
"But aren't we headed there?" Harm asked earnestly.   
  
Sarah looked up at him in awe. "I don't believe you, Harmon Rabb. You know I'm a drunk; you know I'm more than likely sterile; you know I had a horrible childhood, and you're still talking marriage."   
  
"Well, ninja girl, I've known for a long time that you're a recovering alcoholic and that you survived a horrible childhood, and I've loved you through all of that. As for being sterile, Sarah, I fell in love with you because of who you are, not how well your reproductive organs work. When we decide we're ready to get married and start a family, we can start seriously looking into adoption. Right now, all that matters is getting you through this surgery. And telling the admiral."   
  
"How did I know that was going to come up?"   
  
"Sarah, we have to tell him. This has been going on for over six months. He deserves to know, not just as our CO, but also as our friend."   
  
"I know, Harm. Really, I do. I'm just not a big fan of either one of us being reassigned. I don't trust anyone to watch your back like I can."   
  
"I understand," he said, dropping a kiss on her forehead. "Just like I don't trust anyone to watch your back, either. But I'd much rather come home to you every night than settle for seeing you at work every day."   
  
"Well, when you put it that way, I guess I could live with coming home to you every night, too."   
  
"That's good to know," Harm murmured in reply, brushing his lips across hers. They were(or at least thought they were)great at seeming like just friends in public, but Harm loved the fact that Sarah was so openly affectionate with him in private. They hadn't made love yet, because neither felt that the timing had been right. That didn't stop them from staying at each other's apartments, though. But what Harm most cherished was their emotional intimacy. He felt that he could tell Sarah anything, and he knew she felt the same way about him. They would stay up half the night sometimes just talking about life, and their friends, and the future, and the past. And so far, he had made good on his promise to make her the happiest woman alive. She adored all of the attention he showered on her, and got a kick out of the guessing games going on at JAG every time a dozen red roses would show up in her office from an anonymous admirer. He made a point of not only telling Sarah at every opportunity that she was beautiful, but also making her feel beautiful, just as he told her he would. "Thank you," he whispered in her ear.   
  
"For what?"   
  
"Being you. Loving me. Putting up with me."   
  
"Well," she said with a smile, "It's a tough job but somebody's gotta do it."   
  
"Ditto for you, Marine," he responded, tickling her. "Ditto for you."   
****************************************************************************  
You have been more faithful than the morning sun   
You have been more faithful than knowing night will come   
You have been more faithful that the changing of seasons   
****************************************************************************  
1400 EST   
Admiral Chegwidden's office   
  
"Commander Rabb and Colonel Mackenzie are here to see you, sir," Tiner said, sticking his head in the door of his CO's office.   
  
"Send them in," he replied. Sitting back in his chair, he said, "So, what can I do for you two?"   
  
Taking a seat next to Sarah, Harm said, "Well, sir, Col. Mackenzie and I have some things we'd like to discuss with you."   
  
"I'm listening."   
  
"First of all, sir, we'd like to apologize for not telling you this earlier. But we're...we've...I love her, sir," Harm finally blurted out.   
  
Giving the younger man a bemused smile, AJ said, "And this is news?"   
  
"You mean you knew, sir?"   
  
"Harm, I didn't get where I am without honing my powers of observation. Yes, I knew."   
  
"Sir," Mac said, "We truly are sorry we didn't tell you earlier. But we weren't sure about...about our relationship, and we didn't want to be the center of office gossip, and we didn't want to be reassigned."   
  
"You two are quite a pair, you know that?" AJ asked rhetorically. "I don't know whose day in the pool this is, but they stand to make quite a bit of money. This whole office has been waiting for you to realize you belong together for years now. I'm very happy for you. Now, exactly how long has this been going on?"   
  
"About six months, sir," Mac said.   
  
"I see. So, is there more?"   
  
"Yes, sir," Mac began. "I need several days of sick leave next week. I'm having surgery."   
  
"At the risk of being too nosy, what kind of surgery are we talking about here?"   
  
"A complete hysterectomy, sir."   
  
Standing, AJ moved around to the front of his desk where he took Mac's hands in his. "I'm so sorry to hear that, Mac," he said sincerely.   
  
"Well, sir, I know I won't be able to have children, but Harm and I have discussed adoption."   
  
"I'm glad to hear that. Let me know if there's any way I can help."   
  
"Thank you, sir," Harm said. "I'd also like to take leave next week, sir. To be with Sarah after her surgery."   
  
"Consider it done, Commander. When you two get back, we'll discuss working arrangements. Let me see if I can pull some strings."   
  
"Thank you, sir," the pair said in unison.   
  
"You're welcome. Now back to work." They turned on their heels and left. As he watched them retreat, AJ chuckled to himself and said, "About damn time."   
****************************************************************************  
All the things I thought that I used to know   
Are falling down again   
Our disillusionment is how we grow   
Some say things change, nothing stays the same   
In a world of inconsistency   
When everything's a lie,   
What can cause my heart to believe   
****************************************************************************  
Two weeks later   
1830 EST   
Mac's Apartment   
  
"Hey, Marine," Harm said softly, shaking the sleeping figure before him. "Dinner's ready."   
  
"Okay," she mumbled.   
  
Harm left her bedroom and returned moments later with a tray full of steaming food. "Come on, Marine. I brought it to you."   
  
"No, I want to eat out there," she replied stubbornly.   
  
"Okay. Want some help?"   
  
"I don't know yet. Take the food back into the kitchen and I'll call if I need you."   
  
"Okay," Harm agreed, bending to kiss her cheek. He left, and Mac slowly sat up. Jingo sensed her movement and was immediately at her bedside, standing ready to do whatever an elderly dog can do to help his owner. It had been three days since her surgery, and while the incision was healing, it still hurt. Harm had taken the whole week off to help her in any way he could. He had been wonderful about not being too pushy, allowing her to ask for help, rather than simply volunteering. Slowly standing up, Mac began to shuffle toward the door, Jingo right by her side. She made her way into the living room which was dark except for several candles placed on tables. Harm sat on the couch while their food was spread out on the coffee table in front of him. "I knew it'd take you long enough to get out here for me to pull this off," Harm teased when he saw her.   
  
"Stuff it, squid," she said, giving him a small smile. Sitting beside him, she settled in the crook of his arm and said, "This is nice, Harm. Thank you."   
  
"You're welcome. Now let's eat."   
  
"Hey!" Mac exclaimed indignantly. "That's my line!"   
  
"Gotcha," Harm responded, reaching forward to get their plates. "Here you go," he said, handing her hers.   
  
After the food was all gone and the plates were in the dishwasher, Harm sat back down next to Mac on the couch. "How are you feeling?"   
  
"I'm okay. It doesn't hurt as much anymore. I want to go back to work. I'm sick of staring at these walls."   
  
"Monday, marine. But only desk duty."   
  
"I know. But that doesn't mean I have to like it."   
  
"You make a horrible patient," Harm laughed, wrapping his arms around her.   
  
"I know. But you still love me, right?" she asked with a smile.   
  
"More and more every day, Sarah," he replied seriously.   
  
"What did I do right to deserve you, Harmon Rabb?"   
  
"I don't know. Maybe you wished on the right star. I know I did."   
  
"You know, flyboy, too many more comments like that, and your reputation as a fighter jock will be ruined."   
  
"Don't tell anyone."   
  
"My lips are sealed."   
  
"Oh, they are, are they?" Harm said just before his lips descended on hers. When they separated, he looked into her eyes and said, "Sarah, I have a very important question to ask you."   
  
"Okay," she responded, feeling a bit unnerved by the intensity of Harm's gaze.   
  
"I've known you for about five years, and been in love with you almost as long. The past six months have been the happiest of my life, and I want to feel that way for the rest of my life. Would you make me the luckiest man alive and marry me?" Mac caressed his face and held his gaze for a moment. "Sarah? You're making me nervous here."   
  
"I'm getting used to the question."   
  
"I hope you get used to it quick. I'm about to start begging, and that could get embarassing."   
  
"Yes."   
  
"Yes?"   
  
"Definitely yes, flyboy."   
  
"I love you, Sarah."   
  
Wrapping her arms around his neck, she let the tears continue to fall freely down her cheeks. "I love you too, Harm. More than I ever thought possible."   
****************************************************************************  
You have been more faithful than the morning sun   
You have been more faithful than knowing night will come   
You have been more faithful than the changing of seasons   
You have been more faithful than the morning sun   
You have been more faithful than knowing night will come   
You have been more faithful than the morning sun   
You have been more faithful than knowing night will come   
You have been more faithful than the changing of seasons  



	5. The Vow

Title: The Vow  
Author: Stephanie Wheatley, thewheatmeister@hotmail.com  
Summary: Sequel to More Faithful, I think the title effectively gives it away.  
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em...  
****************************************************************************  
And so it finally happened. Harm and Mac's wedding was the most anticipated wedding on record, at least as far as their friends were concerned. Harriet was not surprisingly chosen as Matron of Honor, with Bud as Best Man. Mac asked the admiral to walk her down the aisle, but he refused, saying that was her uncle's job. Mac was ecstatic about the admiral's wedding present. She knew his Admiral's Privilege could do a lot, but she hadn't realized that it could get her uncle out on furlough for the weekend so he could attend her wedding. All of Harm's family would be in attendence, as well as all of their friends who were coming from nearly every corner of the world. The wedding plans went ahead without a hitch and finally, on a brisk autumn day at the Naval Academy chapel, Harmon Rabb and Sarah Mackenzie became man and wife.   
****************************************************************************  
I could make a promise to you   
But that would be too easy to do   
You see I've made them before   
And broken them and they're no good anymore   
So I'll dig a little bit deeper   
And give you something you can keep   
I will make a vow to you   
It will never change, no matter what I do   
****************************************************************************  
1225 EST   
Naval Academy Chapel   
  
"Harm, as you can so often do, you've practically rendered me speechless. My love, my loyalty, my friendship are almost too much for mere words to express. I can't promise you that it will always be smooth sailing, but I can promise that in good times and bad, sickness and health, for richer or for poorer, I will always love, honor, and cherish you. In the past six years, we've been through more adventures than I could have ever imagined. There have been times that my whole world seemed to be falling apart around me, but I always knew I could count on you. You know me, Harm, better than anyone else. You know about my past, my mistakes, my fears, and you've accepted it all. I could spend the rest of my life saying thank you, but that would only stroke your ego, so instead, I'll spend the rest of my life loving you and being loved in return. And I couldn't ask for more than that."   
****************************************************************************  
Right here, right now   
In the midst of the crowd   
I stand alone and I make my vow   
Whatever it takes, I will be faithful   
This is my vow   
****************************************************************************  
"Sarah, I never thought it was possible to love someone so much and so completely as I love you. The past year has just been amazing. I love our honesty with each other, the way we can make each other laugh, our late night discussions about life and love. When we first started dating, I made two promises to you. First, I promised to make you the happiest woman alive and second, I promised to always make you feel beautiful. I still fully intend to keep both of those promises, but now there's a third promise I'm going to make. Sarah Mackenzie, I promise that not a day will go by that you will ever doubt my love for you. The last verse of I Corinthians chapter 13 says that "These three things remain: Faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love." Your faith in me gives me a reason to press on, even in hard times. The hope you've brought to my life has made me believe in happily ever after. But the love that I see in your eyes right now is what gives me a reason to get out of bed every morning. You're my angel and my everything, Sarah. And I could not ask for more."   
****************************************************************************  
As the words fall from my lips   
We both know the life I live   
How I stumble and fall   
How many times I land short of the call   
I will confess my inadequacy   
Throw myself into the mystery   
That somehow in the depth of your love   
You will help me do what I'm not capable of   
**********************************************  
0130 EST   
A hotel suite somewhere(sorry, honeymoons aren't my strong suit)   
  
Harm and Sarah enjoyed their first night as husband and wife very much, having made love for the first time...and second...and third. Shortly after, they had fallen asleep, but Sarah was awakened sometime afterwards because she sensed him staring at her. "What?" she questioned.   
  
"I was just thinking that you're going to be a great mother."   
  
"Really?"   
  
"Yeah. Sarah, you've got so much to offer children. I've seen you with little AJ and Chloe adores you. When we get back, do you want to get the ball rolling on the adoption thing?"   
  
"Yeah, I'd like that a lot."   
  
"So, do you have any preferences?" Harm asked.   
  
"What?"   
  
"Well, you know, adoptive parents are usually asked what race, gender, or background the child they adopt is or is from. So, do you have any preferences?"   
  
Sarah looked up at her husband. "Well, race and gender don't really matter all that much, but I want a child that no one else wants."   
  
"What do you mean?"   
  
"Well, a lot of people when they look to adopt want a kid who's just been given up. They aren't interested in the kids who are wards of the state. You know, kids who were abused or neglected, drug babies, kids with fetal alcohol syndrome. Those kids deserve just as much of a chance as anyone, maybe even more of a chance. If Dar-Lin is really the reason you're so interested in adoption, then this is the way to go. These are the kids who need extra love and attention and I think we could give them that."   
  
"Wow. You've really thought about this, haven't you?"   
  
"Yeah," Sarah said, hugging him. "So, what do you think?"   
  
"I think I love you more now. That's exactly what I was thinking. And might I add, that was a very convincing closing argument."   
  
"Thanks," Sarah said with a smile lifting her head to kiss her husband.   
  
"I love you so much, Sarah."   
  
"I know. I love you, too."   
  
"Oh, really? Show me how much."   
  
"Yes, sir."   
****************************************************************************  
Right here, right now   
In the midst of the crowd   
I stand alone and I make my vow   
Whatever it takes, I will be faithful   
Right here, right now   
Let there be no doubt   
With every whisper, with every shout   
Let the whole world know I will be faithful   
This is my vow  



End file.
